I'm Back And Better than Ever!!!

Bet ya'll(that's Southern speak) have been wondering where I've been.
After that fiasco on Sanibel Island,back in January,I haven't been too well.
Let me fill you in.......
Originally,the plan was for me to hook up with MsBubbleGum(whore) and get things straightened out.Alas,that was not to be.
The first night,there I was, waiting for her at Sanibel Grill,sipping on a Corona,with JonJ and ChrisC,along with MsTootie,THE Pirate,and the Lovers(dontcha just love that name?)....... When in should walk(ahem-I should say crawl),but MsBG(whore) and that Johnny No-Face guy,like they owned the place.Being the better man/crab that I am,I offered to buy those two a drink.Well,run up the bar tab those lushes did!Crap-ola(thanks again,Kyle,for that word)!!!
And then that bum stiffed me for the bar tab!!

I cannot believe she has reduced herself to this! MsBell,you really need to straighten her out.

ChrisC told me,"Get over that bitch!Throw some lime juice on her slutty shrimp-ass and throw her on the grill!"But I think ChrisC was kinda taken with Johnny Whats-His-Name,tho.The whole danger thing and all.....

JonJ said,"I've had enough of this belly-aching over some stupid shrimp to last me a life time(he doesn't like shelling,either.What's up with that?).You're getting help!"

So,they packed me off to The Crossroads Centre,in Antigua.Are you people aware that it's run by THE Eric Clapton?How cool is that? Let me tell ya,there were some famous people there.Not gonna mention any names here.......

Anywho,I have finally gotten in touch with my crab-self,and have finally decided to say good-bye,forever to MsBubbleGum(whore),and get on with my life.

So,I shall be be off to Michigan to meet up with HoneyBear(not sure if it's a Ms.,Miss,Mrs.,or Mr.-guess I'll find out).I am going to take the hot tub with me,as I'm afraid it's kind of too cold for a crab up there in that frozen tundra.

Never Trust A Female!!!

Imagine my surprise,when I logged on to check my football play-off pool,and peruse my blog faves,and I find that piece of crap-ola(thanks again,Kyle,for that word-love it!)that little MsBubbleBitchGumShrimp wrote.

"My dear,dear Hermi"------what a crock of crap-ola!

JonJ was right."Never trust a woman who makes clacking noises in your ear.Stay with the ones who have no name and don't mess with ya.You don't need that crap-ola(JonJ didn't say crap-ola.He said something else,but I'm not allowed to say it here) CrabMan."

Then,he said,"I'm tired of your whiney crab-ass,whining about some shrimp beyatch,who is out fooling around with whatever creature comes along,and blaming it on whatever.Get your Crab-ass in the Tacoma!We're gonna straighten this thing out!And the fishing is good on Sanibel,right now,too."

Then,ChrisC yelled,"MsTootie called and the shells are rolling in at Blind Pass.Let's go!"

So,I have my bags packed.We're leaving at dawn's first light,to find MsBBGS,and that Johnny Blank-Face, or whatever he's called.Personally,he sounds like he's a character on The Sopranos(one of my favorite shows,by the way.I have the whole series on DVD).

to be continued....................

Photo Shoot featuring Miss Bubble Gum and Johnny No Face

My dear, dear Hermi -

I must have ESPN. I know I haven't visited you here in ages and ages, Hermi - but some sort of telepathic feeling came over me, and I just knew you had invoked my name! Naturally, I had to come and see what all you were saying 'bout lil ol' me. *flutter of lashes, if I had any, that is - I'm a shrimp, fer gawd's sake!*

It seems so long ago, that fateful day last August when I made my escape to be with you. Alas, I trusted the wrong person with my fate! While Captain Elmo promised to deliver me safely to you, instead he routed his vessel to the South China Seas, where I was sold into pink slavery - yes, slavery! You would not believe the unspeakable, vile things I have seen.... *shudders and turns a paler shade of pink*

Fortunately for me, after several months of torture - the master had a cat, do I have to spell it out for you? - my path crossed that of a true gentleman of the Old South. Johnny No Face is from West Virginia. He was brought to Miss Bell by her friend Saniholic Angel Wings. A former sooper seekrit government agent, he was selected for his bland, forgettable looks. I'm told this is a good attribute for a sooper seekrit agent, to be able to blend in everywhere. Anyhow, Miss Bell put Johnny No Face on my trail and before long, that pervert Elmo was in Gitmo and I was home for the holidays! Miss Bell had to go north to see her family, but Johnny No Face stayed here in Tinkerville with me, to make sure that no more harm came to me.

Here we are frolicking amongst Miss Bell's shells...

A formal pose on Miss Bell's damnsofa...

Johnny No Face gets a little goofy frisky.... *blushing furiously*

Well, after that, there was a mad chase through the house, and it's a good thing that Miss Bell was not home, for she would certainly have had a cow or shat a brick or whatever it is that humans do when someone is upsetting their serene and quiet life. Eventually, we ended up climbing the Christmas tree... merry fun!

So there we have it, Hermi dear. I am a woman ruined by the misfortunes of putting too much trust into the wrong people, slowly putting her life back together with the help of the man who saved her. He's very nice, in a plain sort of way. We have lots of fun together. But every so often, my heart harkens back to the Strawberry Festival in Plant City, where we first met..... ah, the past is the past, and I know I should try to forget and move on, as you have my dear...

*sigh*

Yours very sincerely,
~ Miss Bubble Gum

PS - I now see that you have been doing a little cavorting in the Christmas tree yourself. I think it is lovely that you have found companionship, even though she IS a bit gaudy, not to mention she appears to be mounting you... but never mind that, how wonderful that you have found a way to move on and not be lonely. I shall endeavor to do the same. - MBG

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What's It Mean To Be Tagged?

Whatever that means,I've been tagged,by ChrisCandJonJ.I'm s'posed to list 5 things I'm addicted to.What does addicted mean?Is that something you can't live without?If that's the case,this is gonna be easy.....

1.MsBubbleGum-I think everyone knows how I feel about her.No matter what,she will always be numero uno in my life.Nothing more needs to be said.

2.Fantasy football-I came in second in my league.And I almost won a trip to the Super Bowl.Have you ever seen a crab at the Super Bowl?How cool would've that been?If Ernest Graham hadn't gotten hurt,I woulda made it!Dang it!I just love fantasy football!

3.Chicken necks-I'm a crab,fer Gawd's sake.We love chicken necks.

4.MsDawn and her Rum Drinks-If you ever had one of these you'd know why I feel the way I do.I abso-tutely can not have enough of them,or her,for that matter(sorry,MsBG...You're still my Numero Uno Shrimpette,tho)

5.MsTootie's Turtle blog-I just love reading about those critters.I love turtles.They don't mess with crabs.They just kinda nudge us.Like they're saying,"Wassup,CrabMan?" They're such good buddies.Gotta love 'em!

Ummmm,I's'posed to tag 5 people,but I don't know how do that.Not without a spear gun.So,I guess all of you will just have to list your own 5 addictions.

I Gotz a Christmas Present!!!!

So this morning,I got myself up early.Last minute Christmas stuff to do,and all.You know how it goes,right?I went to Pier1 to buy candles for the trap(I took the keys to the Tacoma before ChrisC got up.Heh-heh...),yada-yada-yada.Came home,and there was a box on the doorstep to the Roy Family.From MsDawn!!!!!!!!I'm family,right?
Man!With these claws I tore into that box,I tell ya!

I could NOT believe my eyes when I saw what she sent.The usual stuff(pictures of Kyle and Gina----insert clapping smiley here!I put those on the refrigerator,especially the one of MsDawn!),but it was this that caught my eye..........

We had met at the bar at Harry A's on St.George Island.Never did catch her name,but she was a hottie!I think MsDawn tracked her down and found her.MsDawn is aware of the problems MsBubbleGum and I have been having,lately (no thanks to Elmo).Thank you,thank you,thank you,MsDawn.

Now,ChrisC thinks she looks a little slutty,but JonJ thinks she's a very nice church-going girl.
She doesn't talk much.I still don't know her name,and JonJ says that it's probably better that way.....
He could be right........

MsTootie-whattya think?I'd like your honest opinion.JonJ says Pirate will like her.

Anywho....MsWhatHerName and I have some eggnog to tipple.Then we're gonna go to my trap and look at my etchings.Hubba-hubba!
Gotta go.

I may not be going anywheres for awhile........................

Hi Hermie - It's me HoneyBear

I really like your tree and you seem to be having a lot of fun. So am I. These are my friends (who you will meet.) I'm wearing my favorite Reinbear ears (the horny things.) That's Ginia next to me. She's OK, but she likes all this snow. I don't like snow. I like beer (is that what that Mich Ultra stuff is?) Oh, and I like chocolate, too. But sometimes we have to clear the snow with the "big bad-ass snow-eating machine". I'm lucky, cause I sleep while that's going on and we don't have to work so hard that way. Sorry you have to have it so hot for Christmas, 'cause everyone knows "a white Christmas is everything." What's that white thing? Is that "the finger" as Dad says?

See ya.

Happy Holidays!!!

Just want to say Merry Christmas,Happy Holidays,Happy Channukah,Happy Kwanzaa to all my readers.I love you all.

especially MsBubble Gum!